Update and 5 Lies Unpublished Writers Tell Themselves–Matt Mikalatos

I have a final to finish and then I am done with school for the next few months (until the fall semester).  So I get to spend the summer paying off a bunch of old bills to some nasty-ass collection bitches (do they have a special bitch class when they get hired?  I mean, really.) and getting all the loose ends tied up in Tunerville.

It’s nice to finally be able to do it though, and not have it hanging over your head.  That would be the bills AND the book.  For so long, I wasn’t able to put anything in on both of them.  I knew they were there, but at the end of the week, there just wasn’t anything left.

I got an email today with a link to a great guest post on Chuck Sambuchino’s Guide to Literary Agents blog I’d like to share with you.   If you’ve read this blog for a while, you might remember an interview I did with him a few years ago about his humor book How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack.

Guest writer Matt Mikalatos has something to say in this article that might not be so funny.  It’s called 5 Lies Unpublished Writers Tell Themselves (And the Truths That Can Get Them Published).  To paraphrase Pink Floyd, if you’ve ever banged your heart against some mad bugger’s wall by trying to get something published, you need to read this.  You might not want to hear what he has to say, but it’s important.

Once you’re done with that, you can cheer yourself up by watching this hilarious video by gloveandboots about how time travel sucks.

 

 

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The Buttersmiths’ Gold and An Unfortunate Announcement

Look, Deirdra A. Eden of A Storybook World sent me this!  A friend of hers, Adam Glendon Sidwell, has a book coming out.  It’s a middle grade novella called The Buttersmiths’ Gold, and it’s coming out May 2.  I love kids’ books, and this looks pretty cool.   Here’s a bit more about it.

The Buttersmiths’ Gold

BATTLES. BLUEBERRIES. BOVINES.

TORBJORN AND STORFJELL’S HISTORY UNFOLDS IN AN EPIC EVERTASTER NOVELLA.

Everyone knows the most coveted treasure of the Viking Age was blueberry muffins. Blueberry muffins so succulent that if you sniffed just a whiff, you’d want a whole bite. If you bit a bite, you’d want a batch; if you snatched a batch, you’d stop at nothing short of going to war just to claim them all.

Young Torbjorn Trofastsonn comes from the clan that makes them. He’s a Viking through and through – he’s thirteen winters old, larger than most respectable rocks, and most of all, a Buttersmith. That’s what he thinks anyway, until a charismatic merchant makes Torbjorn question his place among the muffin-makers. When Torbjorn lets the secret of his clan’s muffin recipe slip, he calls doom and destruction down upon his peaceful village and forces his brother Storfjell and his clansmen to do the one thing they are ill-prepared to do: battle for their lives.

About The Buttersmiths’ Gold

The Buttersmiths’ Gold is a spin off novella in the Evertaster series that tells the story of two Viking brothers and their adventurous past. The Evertaster series (Book #1 released June 14, 2012) is about Guster Johnsonville, who goes searching for a legendary taste rumored to be the most delicious in all of history. Along the way he meets a slew of mysterious characters, including two Viking brothers Torbjorn and Storfjell. The Buttersmiths’ Gold is their story. 124 pages. By Adam Glendon Sidwell. Published by Future House Publishing.

If you’re interested in checking out Book 1, here is what it’s all about:

Evertaster, Book #1:

A legendary taste. Sought after for centuries. Shrouded in secrecy.

When eleven-year-old Guster Johnsonville rejects his mother’s casserole for the umpteenth time, she takes him into the city of New Orleans to find him something to eat. There, in a dark, abandoned corner of the city they meet a dying pastry maker. In his last breath he entrusts them with a secret: an ancient recipe that makes the most delicious taste the world will ever know — a taste that will change the fate of humanity forever.

Forced to flee by a cult of murderous chefs, the Johnsonvilles embark on a perilous journey to ancient ruins, faraway jungles and forgotten caves. Along the way they discover the truth: Guster is an Evertaster — a kid so picky that nothing but the legendary taste itself will save him from starvation. With the sinister chefs hot on Guster’s heels and the chefs’ reign of terror spreading, Guster and his family must find the legendary taste before it’s too late.

———-

Those sound awesome, don’t they?  Now that I’ve gotten you all excited about Adam’s book(s), I need to tell you something.

I have to quit the Blogging from A-Z Challenge.

This is the worst thing ever.  I was really looking forward to the Challenge, but I just cannot post every day right now.  I thought I could handle it, but I just can’t.   This class won’t be over until May, and I just cannot do all the assignments and post every day.

This blog is already three A-Z posts behind, and I don’t foresee catching up at all.  You know everything has been pretty crappy for a while.  Well, it’s not getting any better, unfortunately.  If I don’t cut something, I’m not going to make it.

Perhaps next year I’ll be able to do it.  I apologize to anyone who signed up because of the Challenge.  A couple of things:

• I’m not going to stop posting; it just won’t be every day.  This yearly thing gets me motivated to post at least twice a week, and with the book in development, it’s not like I have nothing to say.
• The 300^th post thing will still happen—just not when I thought it would.  (It involves cookies, so stay tuned, since that’s what you voted for.)
• The announcement I was going to do on April 30^th will still happen, where I tell you more about Tunerville.

Thank you for reading and commenting and for all your support.  Now go check out Adam’s books!

A Professional Critique and NewBook News

I did something ballsy this week.

I sent Rose’s Hostage to horror writer Brian Keene, who is doing critiques for money.

Yes, it’s perfectly fine for published authors to do this.  Writing books doesn’t pay very well—just scroll to the bottom and check out the link to his post on what being a full-time writer is REALLY like.   But we write because we have to, not because we can.

Brian’s one guy, and he doesn’t do this all the time, because you know, he has his own work to do.  He offered it last year, and I was unable to partake.  Thanks, unemployment.   This time, it coincided with my first full paycheck from NewJob.  Yay!

I pulled another 1,000 words out of the sucker and chopped up some of the chapters before I sent it.  Many of them were too long.  I’ve been reading more lately, as per my New Year’s resolution.  While I read, I notice stuff, like word choices (I can’t stop editing in my head, or headiting—it’s really kind of annoying), chapter length, and crap like that.

Anyway, if you’re a writer, horror or not, you could do worse than to read Brian’s stuff.  He’s good.  I respect his opinion, and I’m both elated and terrified as I anticipate receiving my undoubtedly heavily red-inked manuscript back.  Dear Baby Jesus, please let him like it.

You’ve been letting me down lately. Get on the ball, kid.

Image: Jeffrey C. Cann / Wikimedia Commons

I met Brian and fellow horror scribe John Hornor Jacobs at VisionCon (see my post “Geek Heaven”), where they introduced me to the Gross-Out contest.   John’s got a terrific zombie book out called This Dark Earth.  If you like The Walking Dead (I do; I’m totally addicted now.  Thank you, Netflix!), you might want to take a look at it.

Okay, shameless plugs aside, hanging out with other writers and getting them to look at your work, even if they charge for their expertise –WHICH THEY SHOULD!!!—is a valuable thing.  Certainly worth more than the Samsung Galaxy S II I was planning on buying instead.

Want want want…aaaaahhhh….prepaid smartphone *drooool*

Image:  phandroid.com

No matter what dear Mr. Keene says about my book, there will be lessons I can carry forward.  I’m doing the first rewrite of my new novel right now (well, not right this second—I’m probably going to watch a few episodes of Red Dwarf tonight.  Yeah, I’m into that now.  Thanks again, Netflix.)  First thing would be to shut off the damn streaming and work.  The inner boss is much harsher than the outer one.

Timewaster!

Image: fotographic1980 / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Speaking of it, I promised you a little more information about NewBook, and here it is.  It’s called Tunerville, and it has something to do with the paranormal.  No, there are no vampires.  One of the main characters does something that turns the world upside down.  I hope I can get it up to snuff so you can read it someday.

I’m still not ready to reveal my hook just yet; as I said in an earlier post, a lot of changes could happen, especially in this first rewrite.  I don’t want to get you all excited and then drop you like an old shoe.  That wouldn’t be fair.  By the time the Blogging from A-Z Challenge rolls around, I should be farther along.  So stay tuned.

I will say this:  my first rewrite is reminding me how much I really like this part of writing.  First drafts can be fun if they flow like Rose’s Hostage did, but Tunerville was a real bitch-kitty.  Let’s hope the rest of the process is a bit easier.

And there is some material in there that will, if it gets published, undoubtedly brand me a heretic and a heathen.  Bring it on.  As Robin Williams once said, God has a sense of humor—just look at a platypus.

Okay, I’m going now.  Two hours of skating this morning and two lessons froze my brain as well as my feet.  See you around.

I’ll leave you with a fabulous song from The Hobbit, which I have chosen for my Adult Bronze test program.  Enjoy.

 

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2012 in Review- Happy New Year!

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.  Yay!  See it below.

A big thank you to everyone who dropped by this year.  I’m hoping to share a bit more of my writing process with you in 2013, because I’m planning not only to start a university writing program in the next couple of weeks, but have my NaNo book to edit and revise.

And not only that, but I want to write a sequel to Rose’s Hostage, even though I can’t seem to sell it yet.   I’ve begun gathering material on that already.   Then there is the Blogging from A-Z Challenge coming up in April.

Happy New Year, everyone.  Let’s hope like hell it’s better than this year.

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 9,800 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 16 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

4 Ways I’m Relaxing after NaNoWriMo

I’ve been quiet since NaNoWriMo.  The only writing I’ve done is a blog post over on Clerical Chick, some chatting, a few tweets, and cover letters.   Yes, I’m still job hunting *GROAN*.

While I feel a bit lazy right now, after finishing a project that huge I definitely think some relaxation is in order.   You may be compelled to continue, but I am going to take this time before I actually get a job to enjoy my lack of responsibilities.

In no particular order, here are some ways I have relaxed after NaNoWriMo.

#1 – Watching TV series I never saw

I’m working my way through The X-Files on Netflix right now.  I’m up to Season 5, and just watched the one where Scully finds the little girl she thinks is her sister’s daughter.  This show is hilarious.  I don’t believe in alien abduction, so I have to really work to suspend disbelief, but the intentional humor is excellent.

Netflix is awesome too.  I love being able to watch back-to-back episodes of TV shows, except it backfires with How I Met Your Mother, since that show is still airing and I’m behind.  I’m watching faster than they’re posting.

Digital content is much more entertaining when you pause it than videotape ever was.  Check out this ridiculous Mulderface shot:

AAACHOOO!

#2 – Reading

I’ve hauled out some old favorites, but in the next couple of weeks I’m going to tackle the two remaining novels in Robert J. Sawyer‘s Neanderthal Parallax series.  I read Hominid and loved it, but I haven’t gotten around to the other ones.  Sawyer is an excellent writer, and a nice guy too.  I emailed him once and got a very gracious reply.

Last year, when I had two jobs, I wrote way more than I read.  I would like to remedy that.  I’ve missed reading.  So an early New Year’s resolution:  to read more books in 2013, as well as write more.

#3 – Attempting to create handmade Christmas presents since I’m broke

The less said about this, the better.

#4 – Reorganizing the house

Good luck with this one, self.  No one wants the furniture I put on craigslist, and I have TOO MUCH STUFF.

Not quite, but getting there.

Image:  Bill Longshaw / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I watch Hoarders to remind myself of what can happen when I’m too lazy to do this (yes, I know it’s a severe anxiety disorder, and I have anxiety issues, so yes, I watch it to scare myself also).  Plus, there’s the added what-if-I-can’t-find-a-job-and-have-to-move motivation.  I actually donated eight boxes of books to the library sale recently, so I’m doing pretty well.

None of these activities takes the place of the job hunt, or getting my ducks in a row for a possible return to school in the spring.   Things are changing little by little.  Let’s hope next year they’re for the best, because this year sucks.

Whatever you’re doing to celebrate the end of NaNoWriMo, I hope you enjoy your holiday.  We’ll all gear up for a visit the Ghost of Editing Yet to Come.

 

 

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Happy Halloween and NaNoWriMo 2012

Happy Halloween!

Here’s my first attempt at shaving a pumpkin design.  I used a free template I found online.  I think it turned out rather well for a first try.  For those who aren’t Doctor Who fans, it’s the head of an evil robot called a Cyberman.

“You will be upgraded.”

Photograph by Elizabeth West

No matter what you’re doing this year, please remember to stay safe.  Watch those candles around costumes, and never leave them unattended.  If your kids find the stash of candy you saved for yourself, don’t kill them.  Just steal some from their bags.

From last year, but damn funny:

Tomorrow is the beginning of NaNoWriMo.  I told you earlier that I would be participating this year.  I’m not formally signing up, because technically, you’re not supposed to use NaNo for something you’ve already started.  But I have to do something drastic, or I’ll never finish.  This has been unequivocally one of the worst years of my life.

Because, you know, chaos.

Image:  US Navy- Aaron Peterson / Wikimedia Commons

I’m creating a category—NaNoWriMo 2012—and I’ll probably only be posting updates this month, especially if I find a job.   I’m not restricting myself from publishing any other posts if I think of one, but all NaNo materials will be under that heading for easy reference.  If you’d like to follow me on Twitter, I may be tweeting things there as well during this time.

Good luck to all other writers who are NaNo-ing this year!

National Novel Writing Month – or, That Crazy Writer’s Locked Herself in the Closet Again

Next month is November and the National Novel Writing Month spectacular, aka NaNoWriMo.  Yes, writers are lazy; why type all that shit when we don’t have to?

What is NaNoWriMo?  It’s this crazy idea that in thirty days, you can bang out a 50,000-word novel.  It’s a chance to take that idea swimming around in your head and birth it out into reality.  Not polished perfection, mind you—that takes a much longer commitment.  Since many writers suffer from butt-in-chair deficiency, NaNoWriMo is designed to force you to sit still and write.

To do this, you can formally sign up for the process at the NaNoWriMo site and participate in the contest.  Or you can do it on your own, whatever.   The site has forums, advice, word counters, and much more.

I hate trying to crap out first drafts.  HATE HATE HATE HATE.  I’m considering doing NaNoWriMo informally this year, just to finish something.

I would like to get some voice recognition software and just talk the damn thing out, like “Then Dr. Equate stabs the zombie four times—no, three—and his evil diseased brain cocktail is about to fall into the water supply!  Yeah!  And super spy Dirk Fabulous shows up and forces him to drink it!”  Same process; no hand cramps. I can clean it up later.

The awesomeness of this would be, well, awesome.

Image:  Victor Habbick / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

The current WIP is stalled, but I think I finally figured out something that was borking my story.  By borking, I mean it threw up a giant roadblock that effectively killed forward progression.  This has nothing to do with the fact that my life imploded, by the way; it was a glitch in the plot.

If you want to do this, I suggest you take these next couple of weeks to prepare, if you haven’t already.

Do an outline

I get a rough concept of a book and when I’ve thought it out a bit, I write a synopsis and then break it down into scenes.  Later, I use it to organize chapters.  Since I tend to skip around when I write, the outline keeps me on track.

Get your life in order

My writer buddy James Allder recommended that I make sure I’m not interrupted in any way during my NNWM writing time.  He’s got a good point.  A break in concentration can mean death to a writing session.  Shouldn’t be hard, considering I have no life right now.

If you have one, make sure you get extra crap out of the way so you can sit down at the same time every day and work.

Do a few practice sessions

You may already have a set time you write every day.  If so, good for you.

Here’s your trophy, you self-righteous bastard.

Image:  Suat Eman / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

If you don’t, I would suggest a practice run.  Take a few days and try it out.  It doesn’t matter if you’re only writing gibberish, just so you get the feel of actually working during that interval.  Mind you, it’s against the rules to work on your NNWM project before the start date.

Remember it’s only a tool

You are not going to produce a complete book in one month.  Let me repeat that, because it’s important:  you are not going to produce a complete book in one frigging month. 

A complete book, ready for publishing, will require at least another few months of editing, rewriting, polishing, submission to first/second/third readers, more editing, more polishing, etc. before you can even think about querying.

Your goal is to finish something, not write a goddamn bestseller.   Use it to get your butt in the chair.  When the month is over, it’s up to you to keep it there.

NaNoWriMo is only a tool.  Its purpose:  to make you WRITE.  In a burst of uncensored, freewriting word diarrhea.   Your brain will open the creativity floodgates and not even the Brain-o-pectate will stop it.  At the end, you will have the bones of a book.

If I do NaNoWriMo—and I think I will—I’ll create a separate category on this blog where I can update my progress and tears.  You may live through the actual process of writing (well, finishing, technically) a book along with me.

Lock and load.

Image:  vudhikrai / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

———

Helpful links:

“25 Things You Should Know about NaNoWriMo”  by Chuck Wendig

Chuck is no-holds barred.   If you don’t like me saying goddamn and shit, you’ll hate him.  But he knows what he’s talking about, goddamn it.

“Getting Ready for NaNoWriMo” by Steve Shepard

Some decent tips, even if it’s kind of an ad for the Storyist software.  I prefer PageFour myself.  Plain old Word is fine; you don’t have to buy anything to do NNWM.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/National_Novel_Writing_Month

History, rules, and more.

 

Writing When You’re Not Writing

It was wrenching to write the first words of this post.  Why?  Because I don’t want to admit I’m not writing.  Maybe you surmised from an earlier post that things aren’t going very well right now.

But you’re blogging, you say.  That’s writing.  Sure it is.  I’m talking to you in written form, telling you something.  So it’s writing.  It’s just not the kind of writing I want to be doing.

Anne Wayman, super freelance guru, wrote a post about writing even when you are horribly distracted.   She says, in essence, that writing helps keep her mind off things.

I have the opposite problem; I can’t NOT think about it, because when I’m upset, I tend to bang out little Notepad diary entries about how pissed off I am.  At least they’re digital, and I can delete them before I die and someone finds them.

Note to self: burn this old thing….

Image:  vada0214/stock.xchng

How the hell do you write when life blows up in your face?  Here are my conclusions.

Take a break

Sometimes, you just have to.  If you have freelance clients or a deadline, you might not have the luxury.  At least cut back, if you’re able.  Put as many projects on hiatus as you can while you deal with things.

Write something that pertains to whatever is distracting you

Turn it into a project, by golly.  At most, you might even get a sale out of it, if you can find an intriguing angle on the subject.  At least, you’ll discharge some of those feelings and sort your thoughts.

I have no clue what the hell this is supposed to be, but it cheered me up for a minute.

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Use the time to do research

I’ve been trying to do this a bit.  Of course, the whole insomnia thing makes reading material very difficult.  I’ve actually had to *GASP* put the computer aside and rest my eyes.

Research is easy.  You read some stuff and take notes.  No pressure. If you act like it’s no big deal instead of life or death, you may dig yourself out of a dead end.  I think I’ve found an answer to one particular problem in the current WIP that’s been plaguing me.

Write somewhere other than your hidey-hole

Get out of the house.  Take your laptop to the library.  They have wi-fi in case you need to look up giant sloth toads of Madagascar, or watch a YouTube tutorial on binary star systems.  Wear headphones so other unemployed lurkers don’t hit on you.

Once you start writing in earnest, disconnect.

For God’s sake, stay away from the button!

Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Go back to a previous project

When I’m brain-dead, pulling something out of Ye Olde Writing Trunk is soothing.  I’ve said before that I much prefer editing to writing first drafts.

Hence the re-edit of Rose’s Hostage   I’ve got a few more queries to try before I bury the poor thing.  At least it will give me something to do.  And you never know.

———-

I dearly hope you are all surviving this ridiculous excuse for an economy we have lately.  And the drought.  And the unemployment.  And the global warming.  And the religious wars.

We all have to hang in there.  There’s nothing else to do.  Except, maybe, write about it.

Why I Don’t Want to Read Your Manuscript

Hey, it’s not that I don’t like you.  Really.

“But you’re a writer!  You can help meeeee!” 

Maybe.  But there are issues.

Legal stuff sucks

Remember that story by Stephen King, “Secret Window, Secret Garden?”  They made a film out of it with Johnny Depp, called merely Secret Window.  In the film/story, a writer is approached by a hayseed who hurtles the accusation at him, “You stole my story!”

I don’t want to read unpublished work, possibly be influenced by it, and then end up in court because you levied this accusation at me, even though my story has nothing to do with yours.  Or because I used the same theme, like first love, but not the same plot, that of your fictional first time with a young Bruce Wayne, in Alfred’s room while he was at the grocery store.

Dear God. We can’t blame you. *droooool*

Image:  Wearingcelebs.com

Criticism sucks

First readers are great.  They look at your stuff, and point out mistakes, inconsistencies, awkward turns of phrase, and other beasts that infest your writing.  You will be blind to these while you birth your masterpiece.

Truth is, no one, NO ONE, writes a perfect first draft.  Depending on the writer or the work, it may take several edits before it’s ready for someone else’s discerning gaze.  If you think your first draft is perfect, I challenge you to sit on it for a month and then go back and read it again.

If I read your work, I will feel compelled to point out the places where it could use some improvement.  I’m no expert, far from it.  But I know enough to help you with the big clunkers.

And that’s what it is:  help.  I don’t do it because I don’t want to listen to you whine, or yell at me, if I make suggestions.  Learn how to take constructive criticism (I really prefer the term feedback).  You’ll have to do this if you want to be a writer.

Not having enough time sucks

I have two blogs, and (usually) a full-time job, plus I’m supposed to be writing my own stuff.   I don’t always have time to slog through your long-ass manuscript.  Especially if you’re going to yell at me.

If we’re both broke and you’re at least at my level of skill and you want to barter—you read mine, I’ll read yours—I may be amenable to that.

Critiquing is work, and working for free sucks

Sorry, man, but I can’t pay my bills in thanks.  If I don’t know you and you want me to give a basic critique, you’re going to have to pay me for my time.  If I do know you, well you’ll still have to, although I might be able to work something out with you.

“But you don’t have a book out.  You’re just an amateur writer.  Why can’t you do this for the kudos?”

Because.

• Unless YOUR book is coming out and you thank me profusely in the acknowledgments for helping you cross your Is and dot your Ts, the kudos aren’t going to do me a bit of good.  No one will see them.
• I’m not a complete amateur.  Yes, my output isn’t as prolific as some other people’s, but I have actually been paid to write.  If you get paid for something, you’re no longer an amateur, the definition of which is “someone who does something for the love of it.”
• If I have to work for free all the time on YOUR stuff, I’m not free to do my own work, which at some point I may actually get paid for.

———–

I’m not trying to demean your efforts, really.  I’m just pointing out to you that there are good reasons why many writers don’t read unpublished work.  Famous ones are even less likely to do it, unless you’ve paid buttloads of money for a personalized glance-through at a conference or convention.

Writing groups are a good place to bounce your stuff off other people of a similar literary bent.  They are set up with this in mind.  A good group will have rules, and you’ll have to return the favor from time to time, but that will only help you learn.

Look here for a good article on how to find a critique group.  

 

Bad Things Happen and There’s Nothing You Can Do

Due to some seriously upsetting personal issues, I don’t know when my next post will be.  Hopefully I will have something to say, but right now I can’t even think straight or see to type.  Sometimes when bad things happen, it disrupts writing.  I apologize.   Please give me some time.  Thank you.

P.S. No, nobody died or is about to, unless broken hearts really can kill you.